


For When the Bad Shit Goes Down

by FailureArtist



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Drugs, Kink Meme, M/M, Moirallegiance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-17
Updated: 2011-11-17
Packaged: 2017-10-26 05:23:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/279173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee's pale crush on Karkat</p>
            </blockquote>





	For When the Bad Shit Goes Down

You first heard about moirallegiance from Karkat. He was talking about some movie, and you asked him what pale romance was. He explained the quadrants and he said moirallegiance was when a ninja is flips-out and does dangerous shit a less crazy troll steps up and calms them down and they both protect and care for each other. Then he asked you why the hell you didn’t learn that from your goddamn schoolfeeding booth.

You never told him you were afraid of your schoolfeeding booth and that’s why you’re so uneducated. When you first got it was fun, learning about numbers and letters and shit, but then it got creepy. You were a little annoyed when it started dissing certain colors like red and yellow and green, you were confused when it declared almost all trolls peasants, even the purplebloods, and you were horrified when it told you to kill them all. Soon the lessons were just kill kill kill and paint paint paint all the time. After suffering through this for the fourth time you put on the booth away and never touched it again. That booth was bad science.

Your lusus wasn’t around much to help you though shit like that. You don’t really know why the Old Goat spent so much time out to sea. Karkat always said it was because he was a defective lusus, but he was too motherfucking awesome to be defective. He taught you a few things in that non-verbal way lusii got. He taught you how to swim in the ocean. He taught you that you shouldn’t swim in the ocean cause sea dwellers are vicious. He taught you how to honk. But he didn’t teach you about sopor slime.

You started doing sopor slime when you were almost three sweeps old. The Old Goat had left and you’d just spent half an hour, or so, screaming. You wanted to sleep but the sopor slime on your skin wasn’t doing shit, so you decided to put it in your digestive sack. The shit tasted horrible. So you just kept eating it until you didn’t give a fuck how it tasted.

Because of the sopor slime you don’t remember how you met Karkat.

You befriended a blueblood neighbor who taught you about the Mirthful Messiahs. His theology was confusing and rambling but somehow it just clicked. It was like it came to you from a schoolfeeding booth, not an evil one but a good one. He gave you the paint and the posters and made you into a juggalo. But then he disappeared. Despite all the friendship he gave you really didn’t give a fuck. He’d already given you what you wanted.

When Karkat heard you were a juggalo, he got scared and he couldn’t tell you why. Everyone acted that way, and none of them could give you a reason.

You had religion, you had opiates, you kind of had a lusus, you had friends, you had tons of stuff, you had a big empty hive. But you wanted something else. Something to get you through this semi-charmed kind of life.

Karkat was the one who introduced moirallegiance to you.

You would always ask Karkat about the world because you couldn’t use your schoolbooth. You asked him over and over to explain friendship and moirallegiance. Every time he would yell at you for forgetting his last explanation before launching into a lecture on troll relations. You had forgotten what he’d said but mostly you just liked to hear him talk about that stuff.

When he said what a moirail was, you wanted to be his.

You didn’t tell him that, because you didn’t really know how you went about getting a moirail and Karkat’s advice on the matter was just confusing ranting. You also weren’t even sure you wanted to be palemates with a guy who could scream for half an hour or so. Who was supposed to be the even-tempered troll, the ninja with the yelling typing quick or the ninja with the secret urge to flip-out? Plus, he kind of hated your guts.

But he did care about how you lived your life. More than anyone else, even that pious motherfucker Equius, he couldn’t stand your religion. He said there must be something evil about it, that one night your gods will stop telling you to hug people and start telling you to strangle them. Funny thing, turns out he was right. Sometimes that motherfucker was a motherfucking prophet.

He also constantly lectured you on the dangers of sopor slime. He said it made honest-to-clown holes in the think pan. You knew that. You already knew it made holes in your digestive sack. But you hoped it might make holes in the right parts of your think pan, the ones that made the bad shit happen.

For all Karkat’s fussing and meddling it was Equius who convinced you to kick the tin. You kept off the sopor slime for fifteen whole minutes until your lusus washed ashore.

You were hoping the game might fix things. Everyone talked about it like it was something magical and it was. You created an entire universe.

But you couldn’t make any sopor slime. You tried to alchemize it and the machine said “CONTRABAND SUBSTANCE” and who the hell knows what that means? Your recupercoon got destroyed and you ran out of your own supply giving imps pies (they always took them even though it didn’t make them less nervous). You could have asked someone to hack the machine for you but you didn’t want to hassle them.

When it came your turn to defeat the Black King, you did your job. You don’t remember what you did but you’re sure it was good enough.

For some reason you couldn’t go to the new universe you won, but you were sure Karkat would think of something just like he found a way to defeat the Black King. His plan was to troll these alien kids. When you asked him what you should say he told you to say anything cause anything you said was sure to drive them insane. So you just let miracles led you to the right kid and the right time. And that motherfucking kid took the motherfucking time to fucking piss you off. You never did anything to him but that little shit had to cull all your hope.

When you got over the sheer motherfucking blasphemy you were left with emptiness. After all this time and work, this was the Paradise Planet you’d made and you couldn’t even go down there and club those alien clowns.

You laid in your block looking at the ceiling. How the fuck could it have all happened? What was the science behind it? Then you realized you weren’t the only creator of that sadass universe.

And one of those guys hated your religion and he had red inside him, you swore you saw it when his real best friend died, and the guy who mocked your religion had red on the outside.

You got up and you noticed you didn’t feel sick anymore. You’d been sick as a caninebeast just before the fight and when you got to the Veil you immediately collapsed into a hornpile. Still, you didn’t feel so good. You prayed to the Mirthful Messiahs. They answered.

Things got a little fuzzy from there.

You killed Nepeta. Dear sweet innocent Nepeta. You loved that cat, she was the most awesome cat, and she could turn the world on with her smile. Whatever she did she didn’t deserve to die.

You also killed Equius.

Then you finally found that red motherfucker, standing around with all his motherfucking friends. The duel was on. You charged at each other.

He touches you.

At first you are just so surprised he’d actually touch anyone (he couldn’t even handle handshakes) you freeze. He keeps on. After all his neglect he’s finally there for you. You try to calm down for him but you can’t. You scream but even that doesn’t stop him. He gently hisses like he’s your crabdad and touches you more. You are shaking and breathing heavily but you aren’t mad anymore. He throws his arm around you and this grump, this guy who once said you smelled like an old carpet soaked in sopor slime, this ninja hugs you.

You are schoolfed in moirallegiance.


End file.
